


Soup, Sex, and Snakes

by Ely



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Parselmouth Harry Potter, Parseltongue, Parseltongue Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ely/pseuds/Ely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco and Harry decide to try something new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soup, Sex, and Snakes

**Author's Note:**

> The idea came from zimmboners on tumblr.  
> Also, this completely ignores the fact that Harry lost his ability to speak Parseltongue after the defeat of Voldemort.

Harry was lounging on the sofa, reading a Muggle book about cooking. He was panicking slightly, because he had been an idiot and had agreed to prepare a celebratory meal for Hermione and Ron’s engagement before realising he had no idea how to cook.

“Why don’t you just ask the mother Weasel? You told me she cooks well,” Draco had asked him.

“I can’t! I would only embarrass myself in front of her,” Harry had replied, “I’d rather practise and fail alone, thank you very much.” Draco had then rolled his eyes at his boyfriend.

“Well, I’m not testing any of it.”

Harry was bobbing his leg up and down – something he only did when he was anxious, before turning over the page in the book. He stared at it for a moment, registering what it said before his eyes widened in shock.

“No! No, no, no!” he exclaimed, jumping up and running out of the room, flinging the book to one side. Draco sighed and followed.

“What is it?” asked Draco, walking into the kitchen. Harry was bent over next to the oven (Draco couldn’t help but admire his arse) desperately fanning the smoke that had filled the air.

“I thought the book said it was supposed to cook for thirty minutes, but it actually said ten,” Harry cried, levitating the burnt roasted vegetables out of the oven and onto the counter intended for the soup which was sat half-finished on the side. He was so frustrated. He tried so hard, but he never seemed to be able to cook properly. Draco went to stand next to Harry, who was staring at them in shock.

“Well…” began Draco, but all of a sudden Harry yelled.

“Fuck!” He turned to look at Draco, who was staring at him in shock. He wondered why, it wasn’t as though Harry never swore.

“Sorry,” apologised Harry, “I’m just angry with myself.”

Before he knew what was happening, Draco had grabbed Harry by the collar and slammed his lips against his. Harry took a moment to respond before reaching up to wrap his arms around Draco’s neck.

“What was that for?” he asked when they eventually separated. Draco shrugged, and placed his hands on Harry’s waist.

“Do you think…?” he began, trailing off.

“Do I think what?”

“Do you think that we could have sex?” he asked.

“When do you ever need to ask?” chuckled Harry, leaning in to kiss him again, but Draco moved back. Harry looked up at him, confused.

“I have a request,” he stated.

“Uhm… okay then.”

“Would you be able to… uh, talk dirty?”

“Well, yeah, we’ve done that before Draco,” Harry pointed out, rolling his eyes.

“No, no, I mean, talk dirty to me in Parseltongue.”

“Oh,” Harry replied, eyes widening in understanding. Then he furrowed his brow, “But I can’t just talk Parseltongue on demand. Only when I’m talking to a snake. I don’t even realise I’m doing it unless someone tells me.”

“Really? But you spoke it just now?”

“What? When?!” asked Harry.

“Just before I kissed you, when you were angry.” He leaned in to whisper into Harry’s ear. “It was pretty sexy.”

Harry grinned, and shuddered at the hot breath against his ear. “Well, I’ll try.”

They made their way to the bedroom and Draco practically pulled Harry down onto the bed with him. “Okay, well I should probably try and get into the Parseltongue now.”

“Okay.”

Harry concentrated. “Is this Parseltongue?”

Draco shook his head. “No.”

Harry thought of snakes. “How about now?”

“Still no.”

“Okay, okay.” Harry screwed up his eyes and imagined having sex with Draco, and how much it would turn Draco on if he spoke Parseltongue during it. “How about now?”

Draco’s eyes widened and Harry grinned. “Yes, that’s it,” he confirmed. Harry grinned.

“Good,” he said in what he assumed was still Parseltongue, because Draco didn’t say otherwise. “I can’t wait to fuck you.” Harry leaned close to Draco’s ear and trailed his hand down his body. “You’re so fucking sexy, I don’t know why I deserve someone as hot as you.” He slowly stroked Draco’s hardening cock through his trousers. “All I know is that I love fucking you and I love it when you fuck me. I love the feeling of you pounding into me again and again.” Harry carefully slid his hands under Draco’s waistband and teasingly stroked just above his dick. “I love hearing you yell my name when you come. I love watching the sweat drip down your fucking amazing body as you move it against mine.”

“Harry,” shuddered Draco, and Harry unbuttoned Draco’s trousers, sliding them down along with his underwear. His dick sprung up and Harry could feel himself hardening at the sight of it.

“Your dick is so fucking pretty,” he continued, “I wish I could have it in my mouth or buried inside my arse all the time.” Harry grasped hold of Draco’s dick and started pumping slowly, loving the sight of Draco squirming under his touch. He leaned forwards to breathe hotly on his dick. “I love the taste of your hot, sticky come in my mouth, and the feeling of our sweaty bodies grinding together. I'm going to fuck you so hard in your pretty little arse that you won't be able to walk for a week.”

“What the hell are you doing?” yelled a voice from behind Harry. Harry immediately sat up and pulled away from Draco, spinning around wildly.

“Harry, what are you doing?” asked Draco, sitting up next to him.

“I heard… someone.”

“Please stop!” came the same voice. It seemed to be coming from the floor. Harry crawled to the edge of the bed and looked down to see a small, angry looking snake. “Do you realise I can _hear_ you?”

“I… uh, I’m sorry?”

“You should be!” yelled the snake. “I have _children_ here and I do not appreciate you talking about… these things in front of them! I can’t believe this!”

“I’m so sorry!” replied Harry, heat rushing to his face. This snake had heard and understood _everything_ he’d been saying to Draco. He was so embarrassed.

“Harry, what is going on?” Draco had pulled up his trousers and crawled forwards on the bed. Harry just pointed at the snake and Draco’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh.”

“It has children,” Harry said to Draco, before turning back to the snake. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Shut the hell up! And don’t do it again,” huffed the snake, slithering back under the bed where it must live.

“I think we have an infestation,” commented Harry.

“What did it say?”

“It just… we probably shouldn’t do it again,” said Harry. “Let’s leave the dirty talking in English.”

“Fine,” Draco sighed.

“Anyway,” Harry said with a grin, “where were we?”


End file.
